![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
velocette[He's been mulling this over since he met Hannibal, really.]
What was the first turning point in your life? Do you even remember who your real heroes were, when you were a kid? Or maybe some people do actually idolize their parents. For me, the only idols are the ones who can't become real, but it's been pointed out to me before that it's possible to worship someone in spite of their faults.
What was the first turning point in your life? Do you even remember who your real heroes were, when you were a kid? Or maybe some people do actually idolize their parents. For me, the only idols are the ones who can't become real, but it's been pointed out to me before that it's possible to worship someone in spite of their faults.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 02:49 pm (UTC)Which I won't claim wasn't me. She is. And I could claim she meant no real harm, but that's disingenuous as fuck and not relevant. She harmed him a great deal, and she did it from inside his head, while calling it love.
He's falling apart and it's my fault. The other day he suggested I edit his memories. Just...take the whole episode away like it never happened.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:10 pm (UTC)text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:26 pm (UTC)...she did love him. Still does. That's the sickest part of it, in some ways. I don't offer it as ...I know it excuses nothing. Makes it worse, if anything.
She would play with him. She'd make him forget things; she told herself it was to make it easier, to give him a space free from his past. I can remember the self-justification. It's nauseating, in hindsight, but she made herself believe it. That he could be all right if only he would let her do his thinking and deciding for him.
Actually, there was no let, no consent asked or given. She just reached in and ordered things how she saw fit and left him with the pieces.
Piper, this can't be fixed, this can't be undone. I told him I'd wipe the memory if he asks it of me; but I can't make myself believe piling abuse on top of abuse is ever going to make anything better. I just can't.
I don't know what to do.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:34 pm (UTC)[The Boy is glad now, too, that it's text. He has theories, his mind is churning, but there are a few little key pieces he still needs before he can offer them.]
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:39 pm (UTC)Temporary relief at best, is the short answer. But I can't deny him that when I can't offer any better solutions. Can I?
Re: text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:45 pm (UTC)I don't believe in temporary relief. All it does is stop your mind from learning to adapt. I don't want you to do it because it's like telling someone who's burning alive to just pop a pill and stay in the fire.
If you don't want me to tell him that we talked about this, try to tell him to talk to me himself. Either way I'm going to have to talk to him about this.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:50 pm (UTC)But I lit that fire and I'm the one who shoved him into it. I don't want to do it either. But I won't refuse a direct request, because I've taken too many choices away from him already.
...I trust your judgement. Tell him whatever you think you need to tell him. If he hates me for telling you, well, he hated me already, I'll deal. Just help me not damage him any more. Please.
Re: text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 03:53 pm (UTC)Make sure he talks to me before you do anything to him. I won't remove his choices from him, even this one, but I want to try and get him through the fear before he makes any decision.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 04:11 pm (UTC)that's what's been said so far. so no one's doing anything yet. I will.
thank you. so much, sweetheart.
Re: text//private
Date: 2014-03-10 04:50 pm (UTC)Get back to me soon as you can. And just remember that guilt is usually a poor compass.
text//private
Date: 2014-03-11 01:57 am (UTC)text//private
Date: 2014-03-12 04:21 pm (UTC)Try to keep me in the loop.