(no subject)

[velocette]

[As usual, he's smoking. And it's not unusual that he's staring at the smoke like he's been hypnotized, but he's smiling more than he has in the years he's been on board.]

You know, I've been so fixated on these things for so many years. On cigarettes, I mean, Kools if I could get them--and it's funny that these are the greyest thing in my life. The single thing that lacks color now. I sort of expected the smoke to be blue...or pink.

I actually stopped seeing color when I was four. I think that was when I stopped believing in God, Santa, and the American Dream. I assumed for a long time that everyone went colorblind (literally, figuratively, whichever) when they got old enough to be cynical. But I came here and I met a real muse, and I've realized that I was mostly wrong.

I wonder what the rest of you lost when you stopped being kids? I don't expect many of you will answer, since most of you are understandably very sensitive about your pasts, but it's a real question. What did you lose when you grew up?

Comments

[ichoosefight]

Well, you know. I think dying young had something to do with it.

[velocette]

Huh. I should have died a little younger than I did, then. Or a little later; I think dying later gives a person a better chance of dying peacefully.

[ichoosefight]

Nah, see, the trick is to die horribly, confused and traumatized and a lot like a mentos in a soda can. The bouncing sort of beats down all the rough edges.

[velocette]

Oh is that the trick to it? [Smiling] At least you had a spectacular death.

[ichoosefight]

If you have to go out, it may as well involve explosions.

[velocette]

[He smiles, head bowed a moment.]

Do you think there are any truly heroic moments here? Can anyone really reach their full potential if they're here?

[ichoosefight]

Yeah, I do. I think heroic moments aren't all about action shots and lives saved. Sometimes it's as simple as being there for a friend when they can't sleep because of the nightmares. Or lending someone your shower so they can have a few minutes of real lead and privacy. There's a lot to be said for the little things that change lives.

[velocette]

Most lives are made up of nothing but a handful of those little things.

[His own, for one.]

Have you ever seen someone change in one precise moment?

[ichoosefight]

Something like it, I think. There was a flood where we turned into our future selves. When I was me again, and I remembered it? It was like every impossible dream I ever had came true for those couple of days.

I graduated not too long after that.